Behaviour problems

You may not be able to keep to usual routines for some time, but letting the child stay up late, or break normal "house rules" will not help them, or you, in the long run. Routines provide a sense of security.

Whatever the age of the bereaved child, it can take a long time for them to believe that the person is never coming back. Some children may feel that somehow it was their fault. They may feel that something they did or said, or didn't say or do, somehow caused the death. They may also be frightened (if the death was of a parent) that the other parent may die, or that they themselves will die. Very young children may find it more difficult to understand where the dead person has gone, and what has happened to the body. They may be upset that you are sad and crying, but there is a sort of comfort in shared grief and they may see that they too can cry.

When someone in the family dies, it may mean a lot of changes at home. Everyone can feel so caught up by what's going on for them individually, that it can be hard to talk to each other. In fact, sharing how you are feeling can be a good way to support each other during this really difficult time.

Mood swings, lack of concentration, disturbed sleep, behaving badly or being exceptionally good, are all normal behaviour of bereaved children, which should pass in time. Do ask for help if a child persists in talking about wanting to be dead, or consult your GP if you are concerned for their health. There is no set time for children to begin to feel better, most people find that gradually, over time, things do get easier. It is important that the child knows that they are allowed to have fun and to laugh. This does not mean that they have forgotten the person who has died, but it can help to remember good times and smile about them.